Monday, April 11, 2011

Boudoir Marathon

Alright Clarksville/Ft. Campbell Friends/Wives, I Have Exciting News!! My Wonderfully Talented Photographer & Friend Justine Renee Photography Is Coming To Nashville To Do A Boudoir Marathon!! You Can't Miss This!! What A Great Welcome Home Present For Your Men! Or Even Just A Nice Little Surprise For Them While They Are Still Gone! Message Me Or Justine If You Are Interested & Want To Know Prices & Details!/JustineReneePhotography 

Friday, April 8, 2011

Dear Congress,

Thank you for screwing up my husbands pay, you really have great timing. Since you are only going to pay him HALF of his paycheck, should he only have to work HALF as hard in Afghanistan or maybe only HALF the time out there? I think that’s about fair, but he is better than you. He will continue to work just as hard if not harder, just to prove that he is not HALF-assed like you. He can’t do things out there only HALF way because his life is still in danger FULL time. Good job standing behind our troops. You guys suck.

A Very Pissed Off Military Wife

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Usually I write about life or my husband or something to do with the military...but not tonight.

I recently joined Tumblr and I just don't know what I think of it. It's kind of fun to reblog and post all sorts of pictures and whatnot but I don't think I like it as much as I like my Blogger. I blog so I can write, so I can express my feelings through writing since face to face I am not very good at that. When I write I can pour my whole heart and soul onto a page full of words and I love that. Not to toot my own horn but I think I am pretty good at writing also. I've noticed that not very many people on Tumblr write a lot. They will post small quotes here and there and maybe a paragraph or two but that's it.

With that being said, I am going to continue writing here on Blogger and just use my Tumblr to play with. I will include the link here if anyone wants to check me other stuff out. There are more pictures and music and random stuff there. If anyone else has a Tumblr let me know and I will follow you :)

I hope everything is have a good week so far <3

Monday, April 4, 2011

Taking A ME Day

I am officially taking the day off of life today. It is just one of those days I want to be alone. Not because I am sad or lonely or depressed but because I just feel like reflecting. So many people say not to dwell on the past and to forget about it but sometimes I think it can be a good thing. Your past is what makes you who you are, it is what helps you make the decisions you make today.

Today I am thinking a lot about my past: experiences I have had, people I have dated, places I have been, and friends I have had. I am thankful for the things I have been through, good and bad. They have made me a better person in the long run. I wouldn’t be where I am, who I am, or married to who I am married to if it weren’t for some not so great decisions I made in my past. There are things I have done that I am not proud of but I am glad I did them, I learned from it. There are also things I have done that I am extremely proud of, things that make me realize I sometimes forget how strong I am. I have loved and lost and fought for what I wanted. Sometimes I wonder why things worked out the way they did and what went wrong in relationships and friendships. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to change the way my life turned out at all, I’m just reflecting today.

There are things about my past that I miss at times but I know they are in my past for a reason so I am going to keep them that way. Plus I love the way my life is. I have a great family, some wonderful friends, and the most amazing husband. And I wouldn’t trade any of that for anything in the world.

So with that said, I am going back to my “Me” night. A candle lit bubble bath sounds amazing. And tomorrow I will go back to trying to organize my life and all the crazyness in it.

Don't Lose Hope

Relationships are not always easy but throw in a crappy phone connection, the occasional email, and about 7,000 miles and now you're at a whole new level of hard, borderline impossible. Don't lose hope though. I know it is easier said than done but trust me, true love can make it through anything, even war. Love can survive weeks, months, even years apart, and it can stretch over mountains, countries, and oceans. It won't be easy though, it takes work and patience, but it will be worth it in the end.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

224 Days....

I swear the iPhone has an app for EVERYTHING. I recently downloaded an app called "Doing Time", it tells me exactly how many days Alex has been gone and how many days until he is supposed to come home. This application and I have a love/hate relationship, depending on my mood that day. Sometimes I look at it and it makes me sad to think my husband, the love of my life, the person I want to spend everyday with, has been gone for so many days. Other times I look at it, see how many days left until he is coming home, and I can't help but smile. The number keeps getting smaller and smaller.

The big number is what I can't stop thinking about tonight. Has he really been gone 224 days? Sometimes it feels likes just yesterday that I said goodbye to him and other times it feels like he has been gone for years. Those are the days that I can't remember what he smells like or what it feels like to touch him. The days that I feel like he is a million miles away instead of thousands. Today I am looking at the number as an accomplishment though. Even though he is thousands of miles away, the last 7 1/2 months have brought us closer together than we have ever been. We have been thrown a lot of curve balls but we have always managed to come out on top and in the process we have grown a lot as a couple, as a team. He is going through so much out there and yet he still manages to go out of his way to be there for me and help me with the things I am not able to do on my own out here. I love the way we communicate with each other, we don't yell nor do we fight, we just talk. We have an amazing relationship.

The last 224 days have been a personal accomplishment for me as well. I have grown so much and have finally figured out who I am. I have learned how to stand my ground and how to be strong, who my real friends are and how to be a real friend, but most of all I have learned what's important in life and what is not. There have been times where I have thought I couldn't make it any longer in this deployment, but I have. I looked up on Google the top 10 most stressful life events and in the last 7 1/2 months I have been through most of them: moving, loss of a loved one, wedding planning/getting married, and family problems. That's just naming a few of them. Although deployment wasn't included in that list, I feel that it should be. So to say the least, my life has not been easy but I have managed to survive with the help of some great friends, a wonderful family, and an amazing husband.

I look at the last 224 days of my life and I am proud of what I have accomplished and who I have become. So thank you. Thank you to those of you who have stood by me, supported me, been my shoulder to cry on, and helped me up when I couldn't get up on my own. You mean more to me than you could ever imagine. You know who you are :)

Saturday, March 26, 2011

If My Heart Could Talk

Sometimes it’s hard for me to put my emotions into words. My mouth says one thing but my heart is experiencing it with much more passion than I am able to describe. Somewhere between my heart and my mouth the fiery intensity I am feeling seems to dwindle into simple 1 or 2 syllable words that do not even begin to scratch the surface of defining my emotion. Words diminish what my heart is really feeling. That’s how I feel when I talk about the pride and love that I have for my husband, but also how I feel when I speak of the fear and heartbreak that goes along with loving him.

If my heart could talk it would tell you that it swells with pride when my husband gets brought up in conversation and that the very sound of his name being spoken makes it skip a beat. That every time the National Anthem is played my body is taken over by goose bumps knowing that he fights so the lyrics in that song can remain true. A huge lump fills my throat and I can feel the tears begin to fall whenever I see someone in an army uniform. Butterflies race through my stomach when the words “Hey beautiful” or “Sup sexy” pop up on my phone and I can’t stop smiling. My body is overcome by a sense of peace and relief when I hear him say “I’m alright”, those 2 simple words mean more to me than I could ever explain and hearing them from his lips feels amazing every time.

But if my heart could talk it would also tell you that it stops beating and sinks into my stomach whenever my doorbell rings. That every time we hang up the phone it breaks a little more than the last time we hung up and my mind starts to race trying to remember if I told him I love him enough times. The very thought of it possibly being our last conversation makes my knees weak and my gut turn. The small pieces break into even tinier pieces when I hear about the death of a soldier on the news and the pain I feel for that family makes my heart ache. My chest gets tight and I find it hard to breathe when I don’t hear from him for a few days, knowing that there are many reasons why he hasn’t called and none of them are usually good. When I go to bed at night I have to keep the tv or my radio on because the silence scares me. It reminds me that I am alone and my mind starts to wander.

I never knew my body could feel so many emotions, so many strong emotions. I didn’t know a lot of things about myself until I fell in love with a soldier. I never knew I could love so much or so strongly. I also never knew that I could fall in love with the same person over and over again without even seeing or touching him. Never would I have ever imagined that I would forget what it feels like to kiss my own husband. Most of all, I never knew how strong I am but now that being strong is my only option I feel like I can do anything.

I am a superwoman.

To sum it all up, my mouth could tell you that he is my hero and that I love him but those are just simply words. The way I see him and the feelings I have for him are so much more than that. I would spend the rest of my life waiting for him if it meant I got even a few short moments with him in the end. He is my everything.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Dear Followers,

I deeply apologize that I have been missing for so long. My laptop was broken for a couple weeks then I ended up going to Ft. Campbell for a couple weeks also. So I can't even remember the last time I wrote on here. I have missed it so much, now that I am home I have so much to write about. I will start asap. Thank you all for sticking with me :)


Sunday, February 27, 2011

My Unfinished Love Letter

Rummaging through my computer a few days ago I found a love letter that I started to write to Alex almost 3 years ago. I have no idea why I never finished it and gave it to him but I want to share it with all of you even though it is not finished.


You have no idea how many times I have tried to write this letter to you, but ended up starting over. I have so much to say to you but no idea how to put it into words. It all sounds so nice in my head but I am afraid if I try to write the words that I am feeling, I'll end up diminishing them.

I remember hearing so many wonderful things about you before we even met. I was so excited to meet you. They were right, you were wonderful, but the more time we spent together talking the more I started realizing that those wonderful things they had said about you didn't even begin to scratch the surface of how truly amazing you really are. You started to grow on me :) I loved hanging out with you and after you left, I loved talking on the phone with you. I even changed my phone plan to a long distance one so we could talk more. I remember calling my house from work at 24-Hour Fitness multiple times a day waiting to see if I got a letter from you, and if I did I would beg my mom to drive it all the way out to 164th so I could read it right away. I fell for you so fast. You were unlike anyone I had ever met before. You were such a jerk but so sweet and caring at the same time. I was crazy about you and I never thought that 4 years later, I still would be. Except it's grown into something much more now, I am so in love with you.

In more ways than one, you have saved my life. We have been through an unexplainable amount of things together. You have been so patient with me through all my stupid mistakes and you have stood by my side when I needed someone the very most. You are so unselfish."

It stops there. The love I have for that man amazes me, but the love he has for me though is a rare and special kind of love. He has loved me at my best and even more so at my worst. He has stood by me during the times that any other guy would have turned his back on me. I am very blessed to have him in my life.

Reading stuff like this reminds me of how very lucky I am to have someone like him. Having him gone has helped me to appreciate him so much more. I am constantly surrounded by people who don't realize how lucky they are to have their husbands/boyfriends around all the time. So many people take advantage of the time they spend together. The military life is definitely far from glamorous and it is definitely not for everyone but one of the things I love about it is that it has taught me to truly appreciate the time my husband and I have spent together. Not everyone has the luxury of waking up every morning next to their man or picking up the phone and calling him whenever you want. So if you do have that....appreciate it, don't take advantage of it.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

My Hero

Photo and video editing at

I love making these videos! I have 4 now but this is by far my very favorite out of any of them. It is a mixture of pictures from 3 deployments and the last almost 7 years. The small video that is shown in there is from when Alex came home from Iraq in 2006. Hope you enjoy :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Saying Goodbye Is The Hardest Part Of This Job

I remember that night like it was yesterday and it still hurts just as bad today as it did 6 months ago. There are a handful of experiences that I know will forever be in my memory, August 22, 2010 is one of them.

The weekend was a busy one for the both of us; we were packing up the house and moving everything into storage. I was making travel arrangements for me and trying to make the most out of the last few days I had with him. He was getting all his gear packed and stocking his computer and ipod with enough songs, movies, and games to last him the next year. Needless to say, it was hectic. The days were flying by much more quickly than I had wanted to, but as I have learned before, I can’t control time. Before I knew it, it was the 22nd of August, the day I had been dreading since I first found out he would be leaving me.

It was a Monday and the weather was hot and muggy as usual, typical weather for summertime in Tennessee. My suitcases were in the bed of the truck along with all of his gear he would be taking with him. We had taken the last load to the storage unit which included the bed and some pillows and blankets, basically the only stuff we needed for one more night in the house. His big house that was always messy now seemed so empty and sad. I did a final walk through to make sure that we weren’t forgetting anything. All that was left was some beer and pizza in the fridge and a box of stuff next to the stairs that I would be taking to Goodwill before I left Tennessee. There were a couple hours left to kill before he had to check in and we were running out of thing to clean, it was nearing time to face the inevitable.

I was trying my best not to cry or at least not to let him see me cry, so I kept myself busy. I must have walked through that house 50 times to make sure everything was turned off and there was nothing we were forgetting. I took out trash, scrubbed bathroom sinks, and emptied the fridge out. I knew that there was nothing left to do but I think subconsciously I was trying to stop time, or slow it down. Finally, I gave up fighting it. I grabbed a beer and sat next to him on the floor of our empty bedroom. I rested my head on his shoulder as I watched him play Plants vs. Zombies on his laptop. I wanted our last little bit of time together to feel as normal as possible and I knew that if I tried pushing him to talk about this next year, our upcoming R & R wedding, or pretty much anything else would just feel too forced. I was perfectly content with just being as close to him as possible and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t actually enjoy watching him play that silly game.

I don’t remember much about the drive other than it was dark outside and muggier than usual. I asked him small questions about where he would be going first and how often he would be able to call me on his way to Afghanistan. I knew most of the answers already but I was trying to make small talk so the ride wouldn’t be so quiet. I text my good friend to let her know I would be on my way to her house shortly and to see if she had already dropped her husband off. I was fighting off tears the whole drive but of course as soon as we parked the truck in front of his building, I lost it. I cried as he held me in his arms and told me it would be ok and that he would be back before I knew it. He told me how much he loved me and reminded me to stay safe while he is gone. I didn’t beg him to stay or ask him if he really had to go, I just held him and told him that I loved him too and that I would wait for him. I knew that no matter what I said he was going to have to leave and there was nothing I could do about it. I have learned to distinguish the difference between the things I have control over and the things that I do not. This situation was one that I had zero control over, so I just had to embrace it. Alex had to go inside for a few minutes before coming back out to say his final goodbye to me. I felt like he was inside forever. Once he came back we hugged one more time and I got in the drivers seat of the truck before giving him a final kiss. I told him how much I loved him and to call me before the plane took off the next day. Yep, you are reading that correctly, they weren’t even going to fly out until the next day but he had to check in the night before. It was torture knowing that he was still in the same area as me but I couldn’t see him or hug him or kiss him again. And with that final goodbye, I drove off.

I hadn’t even gotten to the main road before my phone started ringing. It was Alex. He had left a bag of stuff in the truck and needed me to bring it back. It was like pouring salt in an open wound. I had already said goodbye once, I didn’t want to have to do it again but of course I turned the truck around. I guess I looked at it as an opportunity to get one more kiss from him. He met me in front of the building and told me to not even get out of the truck. I got one more kiss as he grabbed the bag of stuff from me and he was off, it was short and sweet. I knew he didn’t want to make it any harder on me than it already was.

After driving away that second time, I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do, whether or not I wanted to call someone or drive in silence. I knew I should call his parents and let them know I had dropped him off, and that I should call my best friends and tell them the same but I couldn’t even breathe. The pain I was feeling is indescribable; my whole body went numb except my heart. I felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest. I made a few phone calls but all I can really remember from them is just crying. The drive to Nicole’s house seemed unusually long probably because I couldn’t wait to get there. I found comfort in knowing that I was going to be with someone who was going through the exact same thing as me and that I wasn’t going to have be alone. When I got there it was pretty quiet, there wasn’t much to say, just small talk really. We just sat in silence and watched TV together until it was time to go to bed.

As expected, I didn’t sleep well that night. On top of the sleep problems I already have, I tossed and turned and woke up every hour or so to make sure that I didn’t miss his call. He called me in the middle of the night to let me know that they still hadn’t taken off yet and to see how was I was doing. It was the longest night of my life, but I made it through it. The nights seemed to get a little bit easier after that first one, although there are still times where I toss and turn and check my phone a million times to make sure I am not going to miss him.

It’s been 6 months now and I still miss him just as much as I did that first night but I fight through it. I have learned that I don’t always have to be tough and strong. I cry when I feel like crying, I scream when I want to scream, and I smile when that’s all I have left in me. Although I will never forget how it felt to say goodbye to him that night, I also know how it feels to have him back in my arms again and that feeling is worth every lonely night I have.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Question After Question....

When Alex is gone I feel like I am constantly being interviewed or everyone is writing a book on my life. I am asked a million questions by people I don’t even know, some of which completely blow my mind. The number one most ridiculous question I have been asked (multiple times might I add) is if I can go visit him. I understand not everyone follows politics and not everyone understands the military life, but I feel like everyone should know enough about what is going on in our country to know that people can not go “visit” Iraq or Afghanistan.

Lately though one question has been lingering in my mind: what changes about me while he is gone? How do I answer that? How do I put into words that my whole entire world changes while he is gone? Everything changes: from my mood all the way to my body. I’ll tell you some things about my body that definitely goes through changes.

My legs probably go through the most change during his deployment. When Alex is home I like to keep my legs nice and smooth but when he is gone, I shave maybe once every week to week and a half (except during the warm months). Some of you might find that gross but the way I see it is that no one is going to be touching them but me so what does it matter if they are shaved or not. I do, however, continue to shower on a daily basis and do my makeup when I leave the house. My weight also changes a lot, it goes up and down. I find that this is perfectly natural though, stress will do that to a body. My best advice for someone who notices this change is to exercise and eat right.

When it comes to my mood the best way I can think of to explain how I feel is permanent PMS. The worst part of it is how easily I cry. I do not usually cry very much, it actually used to take a lot for me to shed some tears but not anymore. I cry when I see anyone in uniform or when I hear the national anthem or even watching a USAA commercial. It is ridiculous. I also find myself to be very defensive. I am snappy and cranky and feel like I am constantly on the edge of my seat. Why wouldn’t I be though? My husband is fighting a war and I am here waiting patiently for his return. I feel because of that I have been given the right to be on edge most of the time.

If you are experiencing any of these feelings please remember that it is completely normal to feel that way. You’re going through stress and your life is an emotional rollercoaster right now. Don’t forget to let yourself go through those emotions though. Don’t try to hide them or push them away, it will only make it worse in the long run. You will build up stress and it will end up releasing at the wrong time and on the wrong person, which will most likely be your significant other.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, even if your loved one is far away.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

20 Things In 2006...Almost 5 Years Later.

I found this today when I was looking through some old documents I have on my computer. I wrote it not too long after Alex got home from Iraq. It amazes me to see how much has changed, how much I have changed, and it amazes me even more to see how much is still the same. I think tomorrow I am going to write a 20 Things In 2011.

(PS: This is something I wrote on my own based on my own experiences, please don't copy it and use it as your own. I love having this blog and sharing my thoughts and feelings with everyone but lately people have been copying my writing and claiming it as theirs. That sucks. So please be respectful and don't do it. Thanks.)

20 Things I Learned In 2006

1. The most important thing that I have learned in this last year is who my real friends are and that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.

2. That your whole entire world can be completely flipped upside down in a matter of seconds. So cherish the people you spend your time with and how you spend your time because every second counts.

3. God works in very mysterious ways so even though something might not go as planned or how you wanted it to go, that's the way its supposed to be. Everything happens for a reason and that's something I live by everyday. You have to go through pain and suffering and trials in life to find out who you really are.

4. Faith. It is such a key ingredient in life, whether its religious faith, faith in yourself, or even faith in others. To have enough will power and belief in something to actually have faith in it takes great determination and therefore makes you a stronger person.

5. Forgiveness. I let go of a few grudges that I have been holding and I can't even explain what a huge difference it made on my life. Life is too short to waste on hating people and being angry. But remember that the first step to being able to forgive someone is being able to forgive yourself.

6. Family is the most important thing in the world. They will be there for you no matter what and they always have your back. My parents have helped me with so much this last year and I honestly don't know what I would do without them. My second family is absolutely amazing also and have been there for me through so much. Just remember to cherish your family because you won't ever have better friends than them.

7. Don't ever forget where you came from and what your roots are because that is what made you the person that you are today. Although we all chose our own paths in life we always carry a part of our past with us no matter where life takes us.

8. People come in and out of our lives everyday but there are few that actually make an impact on you. They are the ones that will stay in your heart forever.

9. Just breathe. Take time out of everyday to relax, sit down, collect your thoughts, and most importantly BREATHE. Sometimes my life gets so busy that I don't take the time to appreciate the little things. By taking 5 minutes out of everyday to just sit has made me realize that no matter how day my day is going, it can only go up from there...and it always has.

10. I can't chose how I feel or make myself want something. No matter how hard I try to control my feelings I just can't do it. Your heart decides what it wants and what it doesn't is uncontrollable.

11. You have to allow yourself to make mistakes. If you stay on the sidewalk and always play it safe you'll never get the chance to learn anything. Don't be afraid to do things!

12. Plan B....that's all that needs to be said. Those of you who know what that is, know what I mean. It's a time to bond, enjoy each others company, and just be down right dirty. My advice is DON'T get on our Plan B list :)

13. Not everyone is always going to like me and I'm not always going to understand why people do the things they do. If people don't like me then that's their problem, not mine. And as for the reason people do things they do, I guess that some things are just better left unknown.

14. Be very careful who you trust. The people who you think are the last ones to ever hurt you, will end up being the first, and the ones you never expected to be there for you, will be the ones helping you up.

15. That loss is not always a bad thing. Sometimes you have to lose things in order to gain others.

16. Material things and your social status mean nothing in the real world! How popular you were in high school or how expensive your shoes are have nothing to do with being a good person with good morals. Get over it.

17. Everyone fights. Just because you get in a fight with someone you care about doesn't mean that your relationship with that person is ruined. Fights are healthy. Plus if your friendship with that person is'll still be best friends tomorrow :)

18. Make sure that you tell the people you love how much you care about them as often as possible. Leave them with loving words. You never know if something you say to someone might be the last thing you ever tell them. Make sure it is something you truly mean.

19. That the most amazing feeling the the world is when you see the one person you miss the most for the first time in way too long. It's an overwhelming feeling of every different emotion all mixed together. It's unexplainable.

20. A whole new definition of love.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Project Smile: The Conclusion

I know you are probably wondering what happened to days 9 and 10. Well guess what? I am too. Time has been escaping me lately. I swear it was just last night that I was posting day 8 with all the pictures in it. And now look, we're on day 11, although the project was only supposed to go on for 10 days. I love how fast time is going by. Next month I have so much going on, I swear it is going to be the fastest month of my life. My cousin is going to be here the first week, our 3 month anniversary is on the 7th, Valentine's Day is the 14th, my DOM will be at 50%, and in between all that I have Zumba 4 days a week. Before I know it, it is going to be time to go to Hawaii in April/May, then time to move to Tennessee in June, and then....HE'S HOME!! Looks like I will need something to keep me busy all through March. Maybe I will start a project...any ideas?

Ok I am getting off the subject. I am not going to go into details what I did on days 9 and 10 because, well honestly, I don't really remember. I know I had good days though. I had Zumba, went shopping, ordered some new bathing suits for Hawaii, and had a girls night with my best friend and her wonderful sisters. You know what feels amazing? I can't even remember the last time I cried. I think my project has been a HUGE success. I have been so happy lately. Let's see: 7 good days, 1 bad, and 2 sick. In my opinion that is pretty awesome!! Just a little side note, this is that one week this month that I really shouldn't be in a good mood at all. So guess what mother nature?! IN YOUR FACE!! What have I been saying this whole time? I control my mood and I choose how I am going to feel, no one else. Yes, there have been things that have upset me in the last 10 days. There has been friend problems, family drama, and of course the missing my husband with every ounce of my body feelings, but I refuse to let it bring me down.

Now, here I am, just a couple days before February 1st, and I can't even believe January is almost over. Thank you God, hubby, friends, family, and Zumba for helping me to stay busy and active. And thank you deployment for helping me to realize just how blessed I am and showing me how strong I am.

I am going to make this blog short and sweet. My bed, my puppy, and Iron Man 2 are calling my name. I'll end with this though: Pay Attention Ladies!! You are SO much stronger than you think you are. Your job is one of the toughest jobs in the world and you don't even begin to get the credit you deserve for doing what you do and doing it DAMN well. You should be proud of yourself. When you walk down the street or the halls at school, you should hold your head high because you are amazing and unique. You are doing something that not very many women can do. It takes an amazingly strong and independent woman to love a soldier. Next time you look in the mirror, smile and remind yourself that you are beautiful, you are strong, and you can handle ANYTHING that is thrown your way. I believe in you, your man believes in you, so the most important thing now is that you believe in yourself.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Project Smile: Day 8

For Day 8 I think I am going to do things a little different than I have been this last week. I spent a large majority of today in a bad mood so it is definitely going to fall under the "bad" category but before I go to bed I am going to attempt to put myself in a better mood. Nothing is worse than falling asleep angry. So for this blog I am going to post some pictures of things that have made me happy and tell you a little about what's going on in them.

Ft. Jackson, South Carolina in May of 2007. Army Basic Training graduation. I will NEVER forget this day.

Pacific Beach, California in March of 2010. Sometimes I really miss living in California and I definitely miss both of these girls!

Disneyland, California in October of 2009. Of course this picture makes me's Disneyland!!

Yokosuka, Japan in January of 2005. 2 of my good friends and I traveled to Japan for a random vacation and it was an amazing experience. This picture was taken outside of the naval base in Yokosuka.

Vancouver, Washington in July of 2010. This is my best friend on her birthday!! I love her more than anything.

Last but definitely not least, the love of my life. I don't know what month this was taken but I know it is from either 2005 or 2006. This has always been one of my favorite pictures of us.

Everyone is allowed bad days, we're human. Today sucked, plain and simple. Looking through my pictures has helped put me in a better mood though. I've had a lot of great times in my life and experienced a lot. I've lived in 7 different states, traveled to another county, been in the military, been divorced, and married my best friend. And I am only 25 years old! Are you able to look back at your life and say that you have truly lived? I can, and I still have so much living left to do. That makes me smile :)

Goodnight World!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Project Smile: Day 7

Wow, have I really been doing this for a week already? Time sure flies when you have something to keep you busy I guess. It also goes by much faster when you learn to appreciate the good things you have in your life instead of dwelling on the negative. Easier said than done, I know. I definitely recommend trying it though. This last week has had it's ups and downs but at the end of the day, when I look back on the events of the day, I realize that I have so much in my life to be grateful for. Not everything goes the way I want it to all the time and there is some stuff that I would like to be different, but everything that is thrown my way is a situation for me to learn from and a chance for me to grow. Things aren't always perfect, but how boring would life be if it was? Here are the things that made me smile today:

#1: Have you ever seen the movie Bucket List? Well I have my own "bucket list". For those of you who haven't seen it, it's a movie about a guy who is dying and he has a list of things he wants to do before he passes. It's a really good movie. Anyway, the #1 thing on my list is to make a difference in at least one persons life. I want to change someones life in a positive way. Whether it is being a shoulder to cry on for a friend in need or helping a complete stranger. I just want to make a difference to someone. Lately though, I am starting to think that I have already accomplished my #1. The comments, messages, and emails I have been getting from my friends are really touching my heart. I have tried my hardest to be there for the girls that I know who's husbands are deployed and it makes me feel so good to know that there are a few of them that I have really helped. I don't want anyone to think that I do it for recognition though, I honestly do it because I know how hard it is to have a loved one overseas and I know how much it helps to have someone who understands what you are going through. I want to be an encouragement and I just want people to realize that they are so much stronger then they give themselves credit for. I would like to thank those of you who have written me lately, you might not realize it, but your words have made a difference in my life. For all of those who are starting to doubt themselves and feeling like they can't make it through hard times in their lives, just remember this: "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think" -Famous words of Winnie The Pooh :)

#2: This one is gonna throw you for a loop. I am scared to death of fish, I mean like anxiety attack afraid. Along with that fear, I do not eat fish. I don't like fish sandwiches, fish and chips, or fried fish. BUT I LOVE sushi. Weird I know. I could eat sushi everyday for the rest of my life and be the happiest person ever. Mmmm just thinking about eating it is making my mouth water. Anyway, I had sushi today with one of my favorite girls and it was so much fun. She's new to sushi so it was awesome taking her to my favorite place and showing her all of my favorite dishes. We also had some great conversation which is always nice too. I am pretty lucky, I have awesome friends.

#3: I know I have written about this one before but I seriously LOVE Zumba! After being sick all weekend, I was going through some serious Zumba withdrawals. So I went to class tonight and it was amazing!! There were a couple times where I felt a little lightheaded, I think I am still slightly dehydrated from being sick. It's crazy how much I feel it in my body when I don't go to a couple classes. When I move to Tennessee I better be able to find a class that is as good as the one I go to now.

So here I am, at the beginning of Day 8 and already I am off to a great start. I've been getting to talk to Alex a lot lately which has been so nice. I don't get to hear his voice, which sucks, but we are able to chat online. So yayyy for have another successful day on Day 7 and here's to hoping for an even better day on Day 8 :) Cheers!!

My Funny Story

I know that all of you know where I am coming from when I say that there are times I miss my husband so much I swear I hear his voice or out of the corner of my eye I feel like I see him. This is where my story starts.

The day Alex deployed he gave me an alarm clock with a picture of us in it and a recording of his voice. It took me a few hours after he left to be able to listen to the recording, I was already an emotional mess and I knew the recording would make it ten times worse. When I finally listened to it, I cried. It was the sweetest thing ever and it is now one of my most cherished possessions. I have it sitting next to my bed and I listen to it every night before I go to sleep but since Alex has been gone for over 5 months now, the battery on the recording it starting to die. So I went to Build-A-Bear, picked out an adorable puppy, and recorded Alex's recording into the dog. Now when I go to bed at night, I just cuddle my puppy, squeeze his paw, and listen to the love of my life's voice.

Sorry that was a very long introduction to a not so long story, but I had to set the scene for you. A few nights ago I was peacefully sleeping in my bed while cuddling with my stuffed pup and having a dream about none other than my wonderful husband. In my dream he started talking to me and his voice sounded so real and so close that it startled me out of my sleep. Then the talking continued. As much as I love him and love the sound of his voice, I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare the crap out of me. Fresh out of a deep sleep it took me a minute to really wake up and realize that the so real voice that I heard in my dream was in fact Alex's voice....coming from my Build-A-Bear. I had rolled over on his paw in my sleep and set off the recording. As much as it scared me, I loved waking up to his voice and I am so looking forward to the day that I get to wake up not only to his voice but to his face, lips, and touch also.

I also wanted to add this in. I have listened to the recording so many times that I have it memorized and I want to share it with all of you. Although it is so much better to hear the way he says it, I can't add in an audio clip so I will just type it out for you:

"Hey Emily, it's Alex. You're the girl of my dreams, I love you to death, and I can't wait to see you again. I love you soooo much. Talk to you soon. Bye babe."

The way he says "I love you soooo much" absolutely melts my heart. He is so wonderful. Anyway, this story is not to tell you about how much I love my hubs, it's to tell you about my startling wake up and to make you laugh. I hope it worked :)

Project Smile: Day 4, 5, & 6

I am so very sorry I have not been updating this as often as I said I would, I have been really sick and finally just now feeling like myself again. I am going to warn you now that this will probably happen a lot with me, I am sick more than anyone I have ever met in my life. So I am just going to say that days 5 & 6 don't count in my project because although my days were bad, I was not sad or upset for any reason, just sick. Day 4 was great though, I will tell you about all about it.

Day 4: Saturday
#1: The highlight of my weekend was definitely Saturday night. I went out and had drinks with 3 girls that were my best friends in high school, the 4 of us were together all the time. We got ourselves in a lot of trouble but we usually always had a fun time doing it. It was so much fun talking about all the old days and the silly (and stupid) things that we used to do. It's nice to know that even after the good and the bad times we went through together, we can all sit around together as adults, and laugh at the old days. I love those girls and they will always have a special place in my heart.

#2: This is not something I am just now realizing but there are times that it stands out to me more than usual. I am really blessed to have such an amazing husband. Not only does he love me with everything in him but he is also very easy. I know what you are probably thinking, "Did she just call her husband easy??" Yes, yes I did. Let me explain. Alex trusts me completely, which makes things while he is deployed very easy. I can go out with my friends, girls and boys, without him getting upset with me or lecturing me at all. I can have guy friends without him getting jealous or accusing me of doing anything wrong. He trusts me and knows that I would never in a million years do anything to hurt him or ruin our marriage. He also is not the arguing type at all which makes life pretty easy also. If I get upset about something that has to do with him I can tell him how I am feeling and he either talks it out with me or looks for a way to fix it. Never once has Alex ever raised his voice at me, called me a name, or said anything mean to me. That for me is a HUGE change from what I am used to in relationships. He makes me want to be a better person. I am not the easiest girl to date but with him everything is so simple; I don't get jealous, I don't get angry with him, and I don't ever feel like I need to work at keeping him in love with me. He is the best person I know. Don't get me wrong, our marriage is not perfect, no ones is, but it is pretty easy....for now :)

#3: I got a comment on facebook on Saturday that really touched my heart and this is what it said: "I just wanted to tell you that you and your husband are quite possibly the cutest thing ever! :) Its such a breath of fresh air to see people so much in love. I love it! :) deployments are hard, I've been through a few myself, but you will make it through easy as pie :) keep your good attitude and a smile on your face!" It brought tears to my eyes. This girl is someone that I have known for a very long time but not someone that I talk to all the time. I think that is why it meant so much to me. She took the time out of her day to go to my page and write me a comment letting me know she was thinking about me. It really meant a lot to me and it definitely brought a smile to my face.

As of right now here are the stats : 3 Good, 1 Bad, and 2 Sick. I'm winning!!! Today is day 7 and once I get home from Zumba I will tell you what category it is going to fall under. Also, since I didn't write anything for days 5 and 6, I will tell you a funny story about something that happened to me a few days ago, I know that some of you will be able to relate to it. I have to get ready to go to Zumba now though.

I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend and please don't forget that no matter hard things might be getting, God will never give you anything He doesn't know you can handle.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Project Smile: Day 3...Sorry It's Late!

As much as I would love to say that Day 3 was a total success along with days 2 and 1, it wasn't. I'm not going to lie to you guys, I said I would honestly tell you if my project is working or not and yesterday it just didn't work. There were a couple highlights of the day but overall it wasn't very good. I'll tell you the couple of good things that went right though.

Highlight #1: I LOVE cooking but for some reason I only like to cook for my husband. I don't cook much while I am at my parents house, as much as I love them, but for some reason I don't get the same joy out of cooking for them that I do when I cook for Alex. Yesterday though, I decided to cook for my in-laws. Needless to say, I was a little worried. I love Alex because no matter what I cook for him, he eats it and he tells me he loves it, even though sometimes I know he really doesn't. So I don't really know if my cooking is as good as he says it is. I made a chicken and noodle dish that a good friend in Ft. Campbell taught me how to make, and since neither my MIL or DIL threw up, I think it was a success :) I really enjoyed making it for them. Afterward, my mother-in-law and I had a much needed heart to heart and mended some ties that desperately needed mending. Although I write a lot about my personal life on here, this part is just between her and I. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders though and I am already feeling a lot less stressed than I have been the last couple of months.

Highlight #2: I am not a huge fan of going to the movies anymore, I can't stand how much they cost even with military discount. Yesterday though, 2 of my best girlfriends asked me to go see "No Strings Attached" with them and I accepted. I'm not going to lie, it was by far one of the funniest movies I have seen in a very long time. My girlfriends and I were laughing the entire time, and not just like a little giggle here and there. I mean full on laughing out loud. I highly recommend everyone go and see it!

Both of those things were pretty great but the rest of the day flat out sucked. There have been things that I have been struggling with lately and they have really been getting to me. I've learned though that the best way to deal with a problem is to face it head on, so that's what I did today. That's for today's blog though so you'll have to wait for that story. As of right now though, I am going to give you a little sneak peak and say that Project Smile: Day 4 has been an AWESOME success. You're going to have to wait for the details on that one though. Until then, I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and staying safe!!

Remember to SMILE !! :)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Project Smile: Day 2

#1: Who wouldn't smile waking up to this adorable little face?? I have 2 of the best dogs ever, they might not always be the best behaved but I love them so much. This picture is of my pitbull Karma (aka Karmie, Charmie, Karmalaid, or Mammas). My family rescued her a few years ago & she has been living with us ever since. She is by far the sweetest, most loving dog in the world. Not violent at all, for all of those who think ALL pitbulls are terrible dogs. She had a lot of energy though and she will lick your face off. I also have a siberian husky named Diesel that my hubby bought me 6 years ago. He's the love of my life and absolutely gorgeous. If you couldn't tell I am a HUGE dog lover. One of my favorite things ever is waking up in the morning when Karma is sleeping with me, I love that she has to be cuddled up right next to me and usually she has her head lying on my pillow as well. So today when I was lying in my bed and I looked over and saw this little face sticking out of the blanket, it definitely made me smile :)

#2: I LOVE putting together care packages. Something about knowing I am helping bring a little color into such a dark place makes me feel really good. I love going to the grocery store and picking out goodies and toys that I think Alex will like, it is a very rewarding feeling. He loves getting boxes and although I really wouldn't want to be in Afghanistan, part of me would love to be there just to see the smile on his face when we gets a package. Today I am putting together a box that I will be sending off tomorrow. Here are a few of things I am going to include in the box: the CD of pictures I just had taken for him for Valentine's Day, a copy of our marriage certificate, brownies, dip, cigarettes, candy, and a set of earphones he asked me to send. I am sure I will add more stuff but for now that is it. I can't wait for him to get the pictures :) I KNOW he is going to love them!! Part of my favorite thing about putting together packages is baking goodies and hand making some of the items out in it. I also love the look on the cashiers face when I go into a liquor store and ask for a log of dip and a carton of cigarettes. They look at me like I am crazy. So bottom line, doing something that I know makes my man happy, ultimately makes me happy also.

#3: ZUMBA!! I can not even begin to explain to you how happy Zumba makes me. I do not like going to the gym and lifting weights or running on the treadmill, it bores me. But Zumba is amazing and so much fun. It's a mixture between salsa, belly dancing, and hip hop. I feel better about myself after class and I am actually sleeping better at night. Not to mention I sweat my butt off at every class so I know for sure I am losing weight. I highly suggest everyone looks for a local Zumba class in your area. I promise that you will enjoy it.

Looks like I am 2 for 2 :) Today has been pretty good. I took the day off of life and did nothing all day. I stayed home, in my pajamas, and just did stuff around the house. It felt amazing. I got stuff put together for Alex's care package, played with my dogs, and got some important stuff mailed out. I don't work so it's not like my life is stressful by any means, but sometimes I feel like I am running errands everyday and there is always something I have to get done. So today it was nice to just do nothing. Everyone deserves a day like that. I am happy to say that Project Smile: Day 2 was also a success :) Wooohooo....that just made me smile!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Project Smile: Day 1

#1: I have the most AMAZING friends in the world, I don't know how I became so blessed. There are about 7 girls that I am really close with & I can't imagine my life without them. Even though there are a couple of them who live far away from me, my life is still constantly changing for the better just by having them in my life. Growing up I was a major tomboy so I was into playing outside, video games, and sports. Even though I eventually grew out of wearing boys clothes, my personality never changed. I would much rather shoot a gun than get my nails done. So needless to say, I have always had more guy friends than girls. I never knew what I was missing out on though. Having best girlfriends is so wonderful. I am constantly amazed by my girls: their strength, love, and compassion keeps me believing that there are still good people left in this world. And I am lucky enough to have 7 GREAT girls in my life. These are girls I know I will be friends with for the rest of my life and knowing that makes me smile :) Thank you God for blessing me with each one of them.

#2: My hubby is silly. No matter what kind of mood I am in, he has this amazing way of making me smile, even if he doesn't mean to. Recently I had some "sexy" pictures taken for him (google "boudoir photography", it is so much fun and your man will love it) for a Valentine's Day present. Well I am HORRIBLE at keeping secrets from him and I am even worse about hiding surprises. So I sent him one picture as a little sneak peak. In this picture I am wearing his uniform top with nothing under it and I have his dogtags in my mouth in a seductive sort of way. In my opinion, it's a pretty sexy picture. Well, this morning I am woken up at the crack of dawn to Alex writing me on yahoo messenger. He tells me that he got my email and downloaded the picture I sent him. I am expecting him to tell me he loves or it that it's know, something along those lines. I was wrong. The first thing he says to me is "Are you eating an Oreo?" Hahaha. I tell him "An Oreo? Really babe? No, those are your dogtags. There is nothing sexy about eating an Oreo." His response is, "Babe, if you are naked you could be eating a pile of corn and it would be sexy." LOL. I was dying laughing. I sure love him.

#3: I live in Washington and let me just tell you that I love this state more than anywhere I have ever lived, which has been a lot of states. Washington and Oregon are a color of green that you will never see anywhere else in the US, it is just simply BEAUTIFUL. But with that gorgeous green comes the reason it is so bright and vibrant, rain. It rains here a lot and a lot is probably an understatement. Once you live here long enough you get used to it though. During the fall/winter is when it rains the most around here and a full day of sunshine is a rare occasion but today it was sunny ALL DAY. It was so beautiful, a little chilly, but still gorgeous: big fluffy clouds, brights colors, and a nice big sun. Being able to see the sun all day definitely made me smile and it also made me appreciate the little things in life.

So for the most part, today was a pretty great day. I woke up to my hubby messaging me, the sun was shining, and I got to hang out with some of my very favorite people in the world. Project Smile Day 1 was a success :) I'll be completely honest though, as I am laying in bed right now (2:13am), some things are getting to me. It has nothing to do with Alex being gone though. They are fixable problems and I fully intend on getting it all figured out. The number of things I have to be grateful for far out number the things that are bothering me. So all in all, I still believe that my project was successful today.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Project Smile

This week has one of those weeks that I feel like the world is personally attacking me every day. Have you ever seen those cartoons where a small rain cloud follows directly above a certain person? Well lately, that person is me. Can someone PLEASE just cut me a break?! Well, when it rains it pours right? Wrong. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain. (Like how I tied in two quotes there? I do.)

So now what, sit and sulk? Curl up in a ball and let the dark clouds win? No. You have to take charge and realize that the only thing that controls your mood, your day, and your life, is you. I have learned that life is all about choices, my choices. I choose what I wear, who I talk to, where I go, and what I do. So who’s to say what kind of mood I am going to be in? No monthly gift, unaligned stars, or rainy day is going to tell me how to feel today.

Yes, my husband is deployed. I miss him more than words can explain and I would love more than anything in the world to just go to sleep and wake up the day he comes home, but the real world doesn’t work like that. It is impossible to speed up time, trust me, I have tried. The world doesn’t stop when he is gone, although at times I feel like my world has come to a screeching halt, the real world is still spinning. So the best thing that I can think of to pass the time till he is home is to allow my world to continue, jump on the crazy ride called my life, and enjoy it. Starting now.

If you don’t like something in your life or the direction something is going, change it. If it is something you can’t change, change your outlook on it. Everything has 2 sides, a good and a bad, although we don’t always see it that way. It’s human nature to look at the negative side of a “negative situation”. Try looking at things from a different point of view. Example: Your loved one is deployed. You have every reason to be sad and depressed. Now look at it this way: Do you know how lucky you are to have found an amazing man? Someone who loves you and wants to be with you and only you? Some people search their whole lives for the one person they are meant to be with, you’re lucky enough to have found him. So smile, be happy, and enjoy your life. Even though he is far away and missing him hurts, it would hurt a lot more to not have him in your life at all right? See how I did that? Changing your outlook on things can make a situation do a complete 180 and it will do the same thing to your mood. So don’t dwell on the negative, choose to bask in the positive.

This is my new goal: everyday for the next 10 days I am going to write down 3 things that I have in my life that make me happy, reasons I have to smile, and things I have to be grateful for. I am going to call it “Project Smile” and I encourage you all to do the same thing. I am going to blog it all too and at the end of the day I am going to tell you (truthfully) how I am feeling, whether I am still sad or if Project Smile actually worked that day.

PS: This applies to EVERYONE. Not just people who have a loved one overseas. Everyone has struggles in their lives, so I encourage everyone, no matter what your situation is, to try this also.

Wish me luck :)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Care Packages

Sorry it has been a few days since I have written anything, this last week has been hectic. I had a request to write about care packages (what to send and what not to send) so here ya go.

First off, when he first leaves it will take at least a week if not more for him to settle in and find out his exact address. Yea I know, it’s annoying and I am sure you are ready right now to start sending things off to your love. Be patient and in the meantime you can always start putting your boxes together and filling out the awesome custom forms (insert sarcastic voice here).

Here is a list of stuff you can send that he will ALWAYS need:

Baby wipes: You can never go wrong with those. Depending on where they are, they won’t get to shower very often. So in the meantime, baby wipes are the next best thing.

Powder Drink Mixes: These are awesome!! All they have to do is add these to water and they’ll have a yummy drink. Since the packages are so small, you’re able to send a bunch of different flavors from lemonade to fruit punch.

Candy: I don’t even need to elaborate on this one. Who doesn’t love candy?

Yummy Goodies: You can send brownies, cookies, rice krispies treats, and so on. BUT don’t forget that mail takes anywhere from 3-6 weeks to get to there…and sometimes longer. So make sure that the snacks you make won’t go bad in that amount of time. One thing that helps is to vacuum seal the container you send it in.

Socks/Boxers: Always a necessity.

Beef Jerky/Crackers/Chips: Any kind of snack food they will love. Even if he doesn’t like what you send, someone there will appreciate it.

Now here are some things that he might not necessarily need but he’ll appreciate:

DVD’s: It’s always nice to have something to pass the time. If he doesn’t have a computer or portable DVD player to watch it on, most likely someone else there will.

Tobacco: The ban on sending tobacco to troops overseas was lifted in August of 2010, so it is ok now to send chew and cigarettes to your men.

Phone Cards: This one all depends on where they are. Some bases have a px where they can buy a phone card but some do not. I would recommend sending a rechargeable phone card so they, or you, can just go online and buy more minutes whenever needed.

Pictures: I HIGHLY recommend sending pictures for your man to put up around his sleeping area. The more pictures he has the closer he will feel to home. If you want to send “racy” pictures, I would suggest sending a CD with them on there. Sometimes the packages are opened before getting to your guy so unless you want your pictures seen by other people, I would be careful how you send them. But I do suggest sending that kind of picture also. He’s lonely over there, help a guy out J

5-Hour Energy Shots: The name explains it all. They work crazy hours and sometimes are up for a couple days at a time. They need all the energy they can get.

Lotion/Chapstick: The weather conditions out there suck so their poor skin is going to be battling a lot or sand, rain, snow, and crazy temperatures. Good lotion and chapstick are a must.

Electric Blanket: Not all bases are heated so this definitely will come in handy, especially during the winter. I know that is breaks my heart to think of my husband going to bed cold at night.

What NOT To Send:

Alcohol: OBVIOUSLY. To be completely blunt, if you are thinking about sending him alcohol or he is asking for it, shame on both of you.

Drinks: You can send cans of soda or energy drinks IF you want but I wouldn’t suggest it for the obvious reasons of it exploding in the box. If you do decide you want to send them make sure to wrap them in individual baggies in case they do explode they wont ruin anything else you are sending.

Right now this is everything I can think of off the top of my head, if you have anything else you can think of please feel free to add it in a comment. This website will help you a lot:

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Little Love Letter

Dear Deployment,

My hubs has been on my mind all day today. Not because I'm sad and missing him but because genuinely, I love him. I've had butterflies all evening thinking about his gorgeous smile and the way he cuddles me. I feel like a little girl with a schoolgirl crush. So instead of being angry that you have him once again, I am going to thank you instead. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am, thank you for allowing me to not take advantage of the time we have together, and thank you most of all for being a constant reminder of how strong I am.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

In The Beginning...

So now he’s gone. The plane has taken off, your phone hasn’t left your side, the house is empty, and you feel lost. Now what?

It’s not the end of the world, I promise, although it might feel like it. If this is your first deployment you’re probably feeling scared, lost, hurt, sad, lonely, and even a bit depressed. That is all normal and in time it will hurt a little less and you’ll get more used to the routine.

What To Expect: The first couple of weeks are always a little hectic. Right now, most likely, your thoughts are primarily based around where he is at and when he can call next. I can’t really tell you what exactly to expect because I know that every situation varies. Different branches fly to different places as do different units in those branches. Expect at least a few days before your first phone call though. They are jumping from state to state, country to country, and airplane to airplane, with not a lot of time during the transition. (Let me add in real quick, I am married into the Army. I do not know what deployments are like for other branches. This is just what I know from 3 Army deployments.) They have a lot they need to do while they are slowly making their way to where they will be spending the remainder of their deployment. Also, expect calls at random times throughout the day and night. While they are en route they are traveling through tons of different time zones and the each flight takes a different amount of time so they are touching down at all different hours. Once you finally get that first call, expect lots of excitement, tears, questions, and I love you’s but don’t expect a long conversation. There are a lot of guys that just got off that flight as well that will be anxious to call their families also. So most likely you are going to get just a few minutes to find out where they are, how they are doing, and to hear them complain about how boring the flight was. That will change as well once they are at their base and things have calmed down a bit. One more thing to remember is to expect the unexpected. Things will not always go the way you or your loved one wants them to. The dates for R&R will change at least a couple times before a for sure date is chosen, once he is on his way home flights can be delayed and he’ll be home in 10 days instead of 5, he will tell you he will call you tomorrow but something will come up and it will take him a few days longer than expected, and the phones/internet will sometimes cut out or not work all together. These are just hurdles. Try not to get frustrated.

What It Will Be Like: This one all depends on the person. For some people, it is horrible. The transition from having him home all the time to coming home to an empty house can be very difficult. It will be sad and at times you’ll wonder how in the world you are going to make it through the next year without them, just stay strong, it gets easier in time. I will warn you though there is a deployment curse, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Don’t worry, I am not talking about with your deployed love, I mean at home. The toilet will flood, the oven will break, lights will burn out, and the lawnmower will run over a rock, it will shoot out and break your car window. It happens to everyone; well maybe not those exact things but you know what I mean. These things will definitely test how strong you are. Now for other people though, the beginning is the easiest; it takes a little longer to sink in for them. At first it just kind of feels like a long business trip or vacation. The deployment starts to feel more real the closer they get to R&R and when they are home for good. You’ll get anxious, want everything to be perfect, and start freaking out when things aren’t going your way. Trust me, it happens to everyone. On a good note though, you are going to realize during this time just how much you really love your man and how very proud you are of him. You are going to glow with pride when people ask you about him, you’re going to get giggly and excited when he calls, and you are going to smile from ear to ear when you see his handsome face on Skype. It’s an amazing feeling.

How To Cope: Friends, family, and fun. The 3 F’s. Sometimes you might feel a bit guilty for going out and having fun while your significant other is fighting a war but do you really think he wants you to just sit at home sulking? No, he doesn’t. Enjoy your life. Pick up a new hobby. Join the gym or take Zumba classes. Start scrapbooking highlights of your relationship: trips, milestones, or even just your goofy pictures together. This will help you to feel closer to him. Or you can make a slideshow of those pictures that you can send via email for him to enjoy also. Find a good support group also. I cannot even begin to explain how much it helps to be able to talk to fellow wives/fianc├ęs/girlfriends that are going through the same thing you are. In my opinion, this is the best way to cope while he is gone. You can also start writing in a journal; write about your day, the reasons why you love your man, or even just random thoughts you are having. You could even start a blog, I hear that helps too Also, don’t be afraid to cry. There are going to be days when all you want to do is lay in bed and be sad. That is perfectly fine. You’re loved one is on the other side of the world fighting a war, you have every right to be sad. No one expects you to be strong all the time, most women can’t even begin to understand what you are going through yet alone go through it. So break down, cry, punch your pillow, and scream. Do whatever makes you feel better, we won’t judge you.

Just remember that believing in yourself and having faith that you will make it through this deployment is half the battle. Once you can do that, you can do anything.

Alex & Emily Eisinger

Make photo slide shows at
This is one of my favorite ways to pass the time while Alex is gone. is free and easy to use. You can pick the music, the transition, and the pictures. 

I just wanted to share with all of you one way to keep yourself busy while your loved one is away. 

Have a great day!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Change Is Inevitable

Some people fear it and some embrace it. Some people try to prevent it, while others try pushing it. No matter how you feel about it though, it will happen. Change is inevitable. It’s all in how you choose to handle that change and make the best of it.

“I believe that we don’t have to change people if we understand that people change.”

I don’t remember where I read that quote but I will never forget it.

Deployments are a scary time for multiple reasons, one of which is change. A lot can happen in a year. You’ll change, your other half will change, and your relationship will even change. Don’t be afraid of it though, embrace it and accept it or it can ruin you. A deployment can make a relationship or break it. That decision is primarily up to you.

You’re going through one of the biggest and hardest changes of your life. From talking and seeing each other everyday to talking maybe once a week can definitely take a toll on a relationship. You’re used to picking up your phone and texting whenever you want and now you can’t do that anymore. Let’s not forget about going to sleep in an empty bed at night now. All of those changes suck. You can either accept it and make the best of it or you can try to fight it causing more pain and heartache. Don’t let it break you down though, look for something positive in it all. I’ll give you a little example: How many girls do you know that still get butterflies when they see their s/o’s number on caller id? Being away from someone for a long time makes you realize what you have and keeps you from taking advantage of the time you have with the one you love. I think a lot of people take advantage of having their loved one around all the time.

War will definitely change your man. Whether it is a big change, a little change, a good one, or a bad one. It will happen. They are seeing and experiencing things that we can not even begin to understand. Be patient and try not to push for answers and explanations. Let him know that you are there for him when he decides to talk about it all but make sure you let him do it on his own time. I will say this though, if you are starting to see a large negative change (lashing out, abusive, suicidal, or depressed) that is when you need to talk to him about seeking help.

Be prepared for more change once he is home. Adjusting to having him back can be challenging for both of you. You’re used to doing things your way and now he is jumping back into the mix of regular life again. Again, be patient with it all. You’ll both adjust eventually; just don’t expect everything to go back to normal over night.

Bottom line: Change is inevitable. Learn from it and learn to love it. When you dedicate your life to someone in the military your life is going to change constantly but one thing will always stay the same: the love you share for each other. Love never fails.

Me In A Nutshell

I feel that before I continue writing about different subjects I should take you all back about 7 years and let you get to know me a better.

Lets start at 18. Before then my life was just the life of a typical teenage girl: I was a brat, a pain, and I put my parents through hell. Sorry mom and dad! That is exactly why I am praying I never have a little girl. I can't even imagine a mini-me. Scary. Anyway, I moved out of my parents house 2 weeks after I turned 18 and that's when my life really got crazy.

Not long into my first year out of my parents house I got into a very unhealthy relationship and he ended up moving into my apartment with me. A lot of girls talk about how stupid other girls are for staying in an abusive relationship but until you are in the position, you have no idea how hard it can be to get out of it. 2 years later I finally decided enough was enough and I got out. I learned a lot from that relationship but the most important thing that I gained from it was Alex, who at the time was my boyfriends best friend.

Alex was in the Army and graduated boot camp the day that him and I met. As much as I would love to say it was love at first sight, it wasn't, at least not on my end. He quickly became my best friend. Later on, one thing led to another and we ended up getting together. Let me just add that I was living in Washington at the time and he was stationed in Ft. Campbell, Kentucky. So our relationship started out long distance, which as all of you know, is not easy.

Not long after Alex and I got together I started considering joining the Army. My job was taking me nowhere, I was partying way too much, and I was spending way more money that I was making. I wanted to do something meaningful with my life and I had tons of respect for people in the military. I wanted to show my support in the best way I could think of. So I went into the recruiting office and signed the papers to be a combat medic (68W). By this time Alex had deployed and we were enduring our first year long deployment together as a couple. Due to medical issues, it took me about a year of doctor visits before I could leave. A couple months before I left for boot camp Alex came home from his first tour to Iraq. Sad to say but he came back different. Within the first month of being home he made some bad choices, one of which included cheating on me. We broke up and it was heartbreaking for me but with leaving for the Army, I figured it was probably for the best. But it still hurt like hell.

Boot camp was awesome. Challenging, hard, scary, and rough, but I grew from it and ended up really enjoying it. 9 weeks later, I graduated and headed off to San Antonio, Texas  for my AIT (training school). I'm gonna jump though this one quickly, not really something I enjoy talking about. AIT is where I met Robby. Keep in mind I got to Texas in the middle of May. By time July rolled around we were in love...or so I thought. I know all of you can see where this is going. May we met, July we got engaged, and September we got married. Yes, I was one of those girls. You know who I am talking about, the one that everyone talks bad about and makes fun of. Who can blame them though? The military makes it very hard to just be boyfriend and girlfriend, ESPECIALLY if both parties in active duty. Well I moved in with Robby in November, moved out in December, and filed for divorce a little while later. Needless to say we were one of the many military couples that didn't work out. No surprise there. We didn't know each other at all. How well can you really get to know someone in just 4 months? You can't and you can argue me all you want but I know what I am talking about.

So now I am divorced, living in Southern California, and trying to start a new life for myself. (Let me answer a couple quick questions you might be having: I moved to North Carolina to live with Robby and moved back to Washington when I left him. I ended up in California because a girl I met in boot camp convinced me to move down there to help me start a new life.) I'm having fun, working, playing, enjoying the sun, and dating. Life doesn't get much better than that right? Wrong. Something for me was missing, it was Alex. By this time it was 2009, and we had been dating off and on for the last 5 years. And yet again all I wanted was to be with him.

Now I can sum up the last year and a half pretty quickly. Alex and I got back together, I moved back to Washington, spent a majority of 2010 with Alex (in Kentucky and in Washington), got engaged, got married, now he is on his 3rd deployment, and I am patiently awaiting his return. He is the love of my life and I couldn't ask for a better husband.

With all that said, when I talk about the military, deployments, rushing into marriage, and relationships, I know what I am talking about. I have been through it all. The only thing I will not claim to know anything about is having a child. I haven't experienced that joy quite yet. So I hope you enjoyed my life story and please don't hesitate to ask any questions or ask for any advice. I have a lot of experience under my belt.

I'll leave you with this...I know times can be hard, life throws us a lot of curves, and sometimes you might just want to give up. But you WILL survive, I promise. Never give up.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Ctrl +A, Delete

Yea, I just did an entire blog I wrote on love, the definitions of love, the difference between usages of the word love, and a couple things I love to love.

But I deleted it all. Tonight, love is just a confusing subject to me.

When you love someone, don't you want the best for them? Don't you genuinely care about their well being? Shouldn't you feel the same way about that person no matter how far away they are or how long they will be gone? In my opinion, the answer to all the questions above should be yes. Apparently though, not everyone feels the same way.

Since I am having horrible writers block I am just going to bullet point what's on my mind.
  • A mother that loves her child should want what's best for the child even if it isn't necessarily what makes the mother happy. You're main priority should be what makes your child happy and what is in his or hers best interest. It's called being selfless. Love is selfless.
  • I love my husband and he loves me. If it were any other way, chances are high we would not be married. He knows me better than probably most of my friends do and he has known be for a very long time. If he had a problem with the way I am, yet again, we would probably not be married right now. So if he doesn't have a problem with the way I act then neither should anyone else. Who are you to judge? He trusts me. Love is trusting. 
  • Not everyone is perfect, we're human. When we love someone we choose to accept that person for who they are. That includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. Deployments are a prime example of this. Unless you have been deployed, you have no idea the things they go through out there. It is inevitable that they will come back different in one way or another. Everyone has some sort of baggage. Whether you choose to accept that is up to you. If you truly love someone you should love their faults, their imperfections, and everything that goes along with them. Love is unconditional. 
Now think about this: What do you love? Or better yet, who do you love? Are you showing them the type of love you would want to be showed? Are you being fair to them? If you answered no to either of the last 2 questions I have one more for you. Do you really LOVE them?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Advice I Wish Someone Would've Given Me Years Ago....Not That I Would've Listened Though.

I'm gonna start out by saying that I, by no means at all, claim to be a relationship expert nor am I gonna say that I have mastered the skills of surviving a deployment. Mind you this is not my first deployment and I am sure it will not be my last but I feel as though I have grown a lot since our first one. These are just my personal thoughts, feelings, and advice on what has helped me.

Friends by far play the most important role (minus family) in keeping you sane while your loved one is away. I have different types of friends who all help me in their own individual way: married, married/dating in the military, in the military, and single. The one thing they all have in common is they all respect my relationship and are there for me when I need them. The most important thing to remember is to surround yourself with people who don't have to necessarily understand what you are going through but they respect it. That leads me to people who understand what you are going through. I cannot stress enough how much it helps to have a good support group. Find people that are going through or have gone through the same thing you are (see sidenote #1). As much as I love ALL my friends, it can be very frustrating at times trying to talk to some of them about how I am feeling. If you have never been in love with someone who is fighting a war on the other side of the world, it's hard to relate to someone who is. When I am upset because I finally got to talk to my husband for the first time in a week and the connection is horrible, the LAST thing I want to hear is "Oh that sucks" or "Yea I know I was so upset when my s/o called me after he got off instead of on his lunch break today". Although I know they mean well, it's just not the same. Bottom line, friends are awesome. Don't shut them out. Well I don't suggest ever shutting them out but especially not during this period of your life.

Keep yourself busy. Find a hobby, start a project, join the gym, take a scrapbooking class, anything to keep you busy. I have found that since I joined the gym and started taking Zumba classes that I am less stressed, I sleep better, and am less frustrated. A good girls night is great also. There is nothing better than making cookies, drinking wine, and watching movies with your favorite group of girls. Although I love a nice hard drink now and then, drinking and partying is not the best way to keep yourself busy. I wouldn't suggest taking to the bottle to keep your mind off of things. Drinking masks problems temporarily but it doesn't solve problems or make them go away. Plus in some cases it can cause even more problems. I'm not saying don't drink while your s/o is gone, I'm just saying don't let your occasional nights out turn into asprin and bloody mary's as part of your daily breakfast.

Feeling anxious? Angry? Frustrated? Sad? Forgotten? It's all normal, I promise. Deployments are emotional rollercoasters. It's kind of like permanently PMSing. One minute you are happy and enjoying life and then next you are bawling your eyes out. 6 years and 3 deployments later, I STILL cry when I even see someone in an army uniform. You miss them. Of course you do, you are in love. So cry, let it all out, don't be ashamed to shed some tears. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It shows you care, as you should. As much as I hate to admit it, there are times when I am just flat out angry at my husband. I'm mad he left me, I'm mad I have to do everything on my own, and I'm mad that I can't call him when I have a bad day. Give me a break, I'm human too. But when he calls me and I hear his voice and I see his face, it all goes away. I know he didn't want to leave me and I know it breaks his heart to be so far away just as much as it breaks mine. Up and down emotions are completely natural, but I suggest not taking them out on your s/o. Talk to him and say how you are feeling but don't blame them. They are fighting a war out there, the last thing they need is to be fighting a war with you also.

Sidenote #1: Having friends who are going through what you are is AWESOME but don't forget that everyone is different and situations vary. Just because your friends s/o calls her on Skype every day does not mean you should be mad that yours doesn't. Different jobs, branches, locations, and ranks mean different schedules, different amounts of work, and different availability.

For now these are, in my opinion, the most important pieces of advice that I personally would give to someone who is currently pushing through a deployment. If I think of more along the way, I will write about it.

Just remember what your s/o is fighting for....and what you, as a couple, are fighting for also.