When Alex is gone I feel like I am constantly being interviewed or everyone is writing a book on my life. I am asked a million questions by people I don’t even know, some of which completely blow my mind. The number one most ridiculous question I have been asked (multiple times might I add) is if I can go visit him. I understand not everyone follows politics and not everyone understands the military life, but I feel like everyone should know enough about what is going on in our country to know that people can not go “visit” Iraq or Afghanistan.
Lately though one question has been lingering in my mind: what changes about me while he is gone? How do I answer that? How do I put into words that my whole entire world changes while he is gone? Everything changes: from my mood all the way to my body. I’ll tell you some things about my body that definitely goes through changes.
My legs probably go through the most change during his deployment. When Alex is home I like to keep my legs nice and smooth but when he is gone, I shave maybe once every week to week and a half (except during the warm months). Some of you might find that gross but the way I see it is that no one is going to be touching them but me so what does it matter if they are shaved or not. I do, however, continue to shower on a daily basis and do my makeup when I leave the house. My weight also changes a lot, it goes up and down. I find that this is perfectly natural though, stress will do that to a body. My best advice for someone who notices this change is to exercise and eat right.
When it comes to my mood the best way I can think of to explain how I feel is permanent PMS. The worst part of it is how easily I cry. I do not usually cry very much, it actually used to take a lot for me to shed some tears but not anymore. I cry when I see anyone in uniform or when I hear the national anthem or even watching a USAA commercial. It is ridiculous. I also find myself to be very defensive. I am snappy and cranky and feel like I am constantly on the edge of my seat. Why wouldn’t I be though? My husband is fighting a war and I am here waiting patiently for his return. I feel because of that I have been given the right to be on edge most of the time.
If you are experiencing any of these feelings please remember that it is completely normal to feel that way. You’re going through stress and your life is an emotional rollercoaster right now. Don’t forget to let yourself go through those emotions though. Don’t try to hide them or push them away, it will only make it worse in the long run. You will build up stress and it will end up releasing at the wrong time and on the wrong person, which will most likely be your significant other.
I hope all of you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, even if your loved one is far away.