Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Change Is Inevitable

Some people fear it and some embrace it. Some people try to prevent it, while others try pushing it. No matter how you feel about it though, it will happen. Change is inevitable. It’s all in how you choose to handle that change and make the best of it.

“I believe that we don’t have to change people if we understand that people change.”

I don’t remember where I read that quote but I will never forget it.

Deployments are a scary time for multiple reasons, one of which is change. A lot can happen in a year. You’ll change, your other half will change, and your relationship will even change. Don’t be afraid of it though, embrace it and accept it or it can ruin you. A deployment can make a relationship or break it. That decision is primarily up to you.

You’re going through one of the biggest and hardest changes of your life. From talking and seeing each other everyday to talking maybe once a week can definitely take a toll on a relationship. You’re used to picking up your phone and texting whenever you want and now you can’t do that anymore. Let’s not forget about going to sleep in an empty bed at night now. All of those changes suck. You can either accept it and make the best of it or you can try to fight it causing more pain and heartache. Don’t let it break you down though, look for something positive in it all. I’ll give you a little example: How many girls do you know that still get butterflies when they see their s/o’s number on caller id? Being away from someone for a long time makes you realize what you have and keeps you from taking advantage of the time you have with the one you love. I think a lot of people take advantage of having their loved one around all the time.

War will definitely change your man. Whether it is a big change, a little change, a good one, or a bad one. It will happen. They are seeing and experiencing things that we can not even begin to understand. Be patient and try not to push for answers and explanations. Let him know that you are there for him when he decides to talk about it all but make sure you let him do it on his own time. I will say this though, if you are starting to see a large negative change (lashing out, abusive, suicidal, or depressed) that is when you need to talk to him about seeking help.

Be prepared for more change once he is home. Adjusting to having him back can be challenging for both of you. You’re used to doing things your way and now he is jumping back into the mix of regular life again. Again, be patient with it all. You’ll both adjust eventually; just don’t expect everything to go back to normal over night.

Bottom line: Change is inevitable. Learn from it and learn to love it. When you dedicate your life to someone in the military your life is going to change constantly but one thing will always stay the same: the love you share for each other. Love never fails.


  1. Thanks for this post. I'm terrified of change but know that it is inevitable. I just hope that when he gets home we can find a "new normal".

  2. You're welcome :) It will take a little adjusting and lots of meeting in the middle when he gets back but it's worth it. Just remember that both of you will have changed since he first left so make sure you are compromising also.